2. Learn how to deal with your expressions of stress
As I mentioned previously, everyone is stressed, about different things, to different extents, at different time. Therefore, it is very important to be conscious of how you act when you are stressed.
‘When I’m stressed, I’m stressed. How does that affect others?’ This was how I thought a few years ago. What I did not realise was that when I am stressed, I become more irritable and started speaking with a more harsh and impatient tone. This greatly affected my relationships, especially with my family. My irritability spread to my family members and the whole family was on edge. We fought over the smallest things and our relationship was strained.
The people around us will become our greatest source of strength when the going gets tough. It is of utmost importance that we are able to control how we act when we feel stressed because stress really changes how someone thinks, behaves and speaks.
In addition to how we interact with others, we need to pay attention to changes in our behaviour when we are alone. For some of us, I included, I tend to put on a forced persona, especially when I am very very stressed so that I do not worry my family and friends. When my surrounding quieten down, i.e. when I am alone, the sudden surge of emotions from all the stress and putting on a fake smile takes over me and I just start tearing up. I can be walking along a quiet street, staring at the ceiling while lying on my bed, in the toilet or even while watching comedy, and I will cry. I cry when I am stressed, it may be different for you which I would not know since I don’t experience them. What you need to know is that the source of it is stress.
As I randomly start tearing up while studying or chilling in my room, I know that it was time to deal with it because it started getting in the way of my life, and I was glad I did. I made a promise with myself. I promised myself that I would not cry the moment I stepped out of the toilet. While I was showering or just sitting mindlessly on the toilet seat, I let my emotions flow through, and the minute I step out of the toilet, I tried my very best to stop. Of course, I did not succeed on my first try, and please don’t expect to be able to do so. But I definitely was able to cut down the amount of time I spent on an emotional breakdown so that I can continue with my daily life.
At this point, it is important to note that my promise was not to stop crying altogether. It is essential to let the emotions out. The feelings should not be bottled up because it will burst one day. A healthy amount of expression of stress can help us better cope with the emotional aspects of stressing and yet continue to function daily. This can be done by learning how to deal with how we express our stressing.
Summary: We should identify how we express our stressing in two aspects, how it changes our interactions with others and how we act in solitude. Thereafter, set boundaries for yourself such that a healthy balance between being able to express your feelings and continuing to function normally can be struck.
3. Find the source of it
A piece of common advice for dealing with stress is to bring your mind off it by exercising or taking a coffee break. Whilst these may be good as a temporary way of stress relief, which may work wonders for some, I find it more comforting to work out the source of my stress.
When I feel stressed, I sit down at my desk with a piece of blank paper and pen. I write down everything that I feel stressed about without bothering about flow of ideas, grammar and whatsoever. I just write. Thereafter, I classify everything I have written into two groups, things I can work on and things that I cannot work on. For example, a few years back, I wrote ‘I feel very useless because I cannot contribute to my group project and my group mates have feedbacked to my teacher, making me look bad in front of my teacher. Even when I tried to help, there was nothing left for me to do.’
Stay tuned to find out how I resolved this tricky situation.
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