If you have read my blog post on Results Day (‘The Darkest Day in my Life?’), you would probably know that it was a time when I was feeling very disappointed and down. It was also a very draining period of time for me. For anyone who ever feels like that and perhaps for myself when I ever feel like that again, here are the top three things I would say to us:
1.Just cry
I remember the day I got back my A level results. I cried so much. I sat in the hall where we collected our results slip for quite an extended period of time and I just cried. I called my mum and cried. When I was back home, I cried even more. For the next week or so, perhaps even longer, I lost track of how many times I cried and how long I had those tears on my face.
But in all seriousness, just cry. No shame in crying. Just let those feelings out and sit with it for a while, until you feel comfortable with moving on.
To my younger self, I would tell her to not to be too hard on herself. You too, don’t be too hard on yourself! I remember watching this drama on tennis players and the most memorable piece of advice given to one of the characters was that, ‘Your only opponent is yourself’. This was accompanied with a flashback of all the different opponents that stood at the opposite of the court. The opponents came and went. They brought with them very varied and powerful sporting skills. The character had to face them one-by-one, each time giving it his best shot to defeat them. He did not win all the matches but he was constantly learning and upgrading his skills, working very hard to reach the point that he was at - the national championships, in that drama. But who was there with him in every single fight? It was himself. So remember to treat yourself with a lot of care. You are always with you, and look how far you have come, it is definitely not easy. Losing one match, it’s ok, learn from it, stand up and move on stronger.
2. Remember everyone who stood by you
Learning, standing up and moving on stronger is a very rough process, especially so mentally. It may take a while for you to do so, and it is completely fine. But during this period, one becomes very vulnerable to things that happen around them. No matter how small or insignificant it seems, it is enough to break you down. (Don’t! Hang in there! Things will only get better from now on!) Remember to take a look around you and see how actually stayed by your side. These people are people that you want to keep for life. Those that are with you even when you feel the worst are the best. If unfortunately you realise that there is no such person, think again. There is you. You will always be there for yourself, be a source of strength for yourself.
3. Think
At times like this which can be incredibly trying for us, you have to think. Separate your feelings from your thoughts. Try to think rationally and make informed decisions based on facts. I made several very dumb mistakes because I wasn’t able to think rationally at that point in time. I know exactly how hard it is to think rationally at times like this but try your best to do so. You’ve got this!
I would like to end this post with one of my favourite quotes: Don’t take criticism from those you will not go to for advice. When you are feeling lost and down, it can be very easy for haters to break you down. But remember that if you don’t go to them for advice, don’t take any of their words. And a final reminder that your best opponent and supporter will always be yourself. Be kind to yourself (and others)!
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